How Holding Identities Loosely Can Help Relieve Chronic Pain and Anxiety
Ever notice how craving approval or needing to feel calm makes life harder?
When we tie our worth to being liked, attractive, or capable, life has a way of challenging those beliefs—and it can hurt. Not just emotionally, but physically too.
For many dealing with chronic pain conditions like back pain, pelvic pain, or anxiety, rigid self-identities can create emotional stress that amplifies physical symptoms.
Concepts like Tension Myoneural Syndrome (TMS) show how unresolved emotional strain often manifests as pain in the body.
The Problem with Clinging to Identities
Let’s say you see yourself as calm and composed. On days when you’re not, you might feel frustrated or ashamed. This inner conflict creates stress, which can manifest as headaches, back pain, or other forms of unresolved pain.
Or maybe your worth is tied to being liked. A small rejection can feel devastating, setting off a spiral of anxiety and tension. This emotional strain doesn’t stay in your mind—it impacts your body, keeping you stuck in cycles of chronic pain and discomfort.
A New Way to Relieve Stress and Pain
Instead of letting go of identities, what if you could hold them more loosely? Imagine being fully a calm, collected person one moment, and fully someone else the next—a bold risk-taker, an unpolished mess, or anything in between.
When we stop clinging to one way of being, life feels lighter. This flexibility calms the nervous system, eases emotional stress, and helps create the space your body needs to heal from chronic pain and anxiety.
How to Hold Identities Loosely
Learning to flow between different ways of being takes practice. Tools like IFS therapy, meditation, journaling, community, and self-talk can help you build this skill. Here’s how they work:
Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy
IFS helps you explore the different “parts” of yourself—like the part of you that wants to be liked and the part that feels hurt when you’re not. By getting to know these parts, you can embrace them with compassion and balance their needs. This approach helps untangle the emotional knots that contribute to chronic pain and unresolved stress.
Meditation
Meditation trains your mind to stay present and observe your thoughts without judgment. When you catch yourself clinging to an identity—like needing to be calm—you can notice it, breathe, and let it pass. Over time, this practice rewires your brain, making it easier to hold identities lightly and reduce the emotional stress fueling your pain.
Journaling
Writing about your feelings and experiences can help you process them more deeply. Journaling allows you to reflect on when you feel stuck in one identity and explore what it’s like to let go of that need. It’s a powerful tool for uncovering patterns and cultivating flexibility in how you see yourself.
Community
Being part of a supportive community reminds you that you’re not alone in your struggles. Hearing others share their stories can provide new perspectives, help you feel seen, and reduce the isolation that often comes with chronic pain. Community connections create a safe space to practice being your full self—without fear of judgment.
Self-Talk
The way you speak to yourself shapes how you see yourself. Practicing kind, affirming self-talk can help you move from harsh self-criticism to self-acceptance. For example, instead of saying, “I failed to stay calm,” try, “It’s okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes. I’ll take care of myself and try again.”
Your Path to Pain Relief
If this resonates with you, the Pain Relief Community is here to help you take the next steps. This program offers everything you need to break free from chronic pain and reclaim your life:
1-Hour Free Pain Relief Course to introduce you to powerful mind-body strategies.
Mind-Body Quiz to assess your health and uncover key areas for growth.
Community Chat to connect with others who understand what you’re going through.
Live Calls featuring success stories and insights from pain relief experts.
Healing is possible, and you don’t have to do it alone. With the right tools and support, you can move beyond pain, loosen the grip of rigid identities, and find freedom in life’s ups and downs.
Join the Pain Relief Community here and take the first step toward relief today.