How Do I Meditate
In the article ‘why should I meditate?’ I outline the reason why it’s great to meditate
In summary, it’s to practice how to be comfortable being uncomfortable.
And nothing is more uncomfortable than closing your eyes and sitting quietly. So meditation is the perfect uncomfortable training ground to practice in.
So now that we know a little bit more about why to meditate, let’s focus on how to meditate. I find that the best way to learn how to meditate is to start to do it with people who can help you. That’s why I run a weekly online meditation community, where you can be guided on how to meditate and have a chance to speak to others who also enjoy meditating.
The community is accessible for anyone, follow this link if you’d like to find out more.
Besides joining a meditation group, continue reading below to find out how to meditate.
I often compare meditation to lifting weights in the gym for many reasons.
Firstly, because it’s something which is uncomfortable at first then becomes more comfortable. Secondly, because it’s important to abide by certain techniques in order not to get injured, or in the case of meditation in order not to become disillusioned.
There are many styles and techniques in meditation, in this article we’ll be focusing on a technique called mindfulness. Much like most meditation techniques, mindfulness is done with the eyes closed in a comfortable seat on a chair or pillow on the floor.
Mindfulness
In mindfulness meditation we’re practicing how to feel comfortable with whatever we’re experiencing in the present moment. There are four main focal points which we become mindful of in the present moment: the breath, body, emotions/thoughts and sounds.
You can spend the entire meditation just focusing on one of the focal points, or you can choose to focus on all of them interchangeably. It’s entirely up to you. There are individual methods which teach you how to best become mindful of each focal point, which I’ll cover briefly further down. However, the main goal is to notice the focal point and whether it feels comfortable or uncomfortable, you practice accepting it just as it is.
In this way the intention of mindfulness meditation is NOT to purposely relax the focal points, it’s to accept them just as they are. The breath may feel tight, body in pain, emotions chaotic and the sounds around you distracting. And that’s absolutely fine. Just sit, allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling and wait for the next thing to arise.
But what use is there just sitting with discomfort in the mind and body?
This brings us on to the most important lesson in meditation:
“What you resist persists, what you allow says ciao…”
If you become mindful of one of the focal points and resist what’s arising for you, then it will persist. If instead you allow what you’ve noticed to be there, it will pass. One of the fundamental truths of life is that change is inevitable, what’s happening now for you may not be soon after.
However if you’re reading this and you’ve been stuck in some sort of chronic physical or emotional pain for quite some time, chances are you’ve been in a state of resistance. Contrary to what you may have assumed, resistance to discomfort only creates more discomfort. So if you try to push away an uncomfortable emotion or sensation, it will just intensify.
In this way, meditation can be likened to a form of exposure therapy. In that you gently allow the presence of discomfort enough so that you can get more comfortable with it. Let’s go through each focal point one by one:
Breath
How does the natural rhythm of the breath feel? Relaxed? Constricted? Tight? Calm? Heavy?
There are some meditations which will ask you to purposely slow down the breath, whereas this meditation just requires you to notice the breath just as it is.
Body
Where does your attention go most naturally when you become mindful of your body?
Wherever your attention goes in the body, energy will flow. That’s why if you think of your right foot, you’ll suddenly feel your right foot. Whether the body is feeling relaxed or not so relaxed, notice what happens when you keep your attention on the body.
Do the sensations change? Intensify? Stay the same? Move around the body?
Emotions/Thoughts
What’s coming up for you emotionally right now? Can you label it with one word?
Whether you feel anger or joy, can you just allow yourself to feel the emotion? Or are you resisting it?
We’ve all been conditioned from an early age to believe that feeling our anger will make us a vengeful person, feeling our sadness will make us depressed and feeling our fear will make us a coward. In reality, as difficult as it may be to allow the presence of uncomfortable emotions, the sooner we allow them to be there the sooner they pass.
Sounds
What sounds can you hear all around you? Inside the room and outside the room?
Are they relaxing or distracting? How does hearing the sounds make your breath, body and emotions feel?
Don’t force relaxation, just be present and let relaxation come naturally
When you get into the practice of noticing the focal points and allowing them to be just as they are, you’ll more naturally find a place of relaxation. Whereas if you try and force yourself to relax, you’ll resist what’s coming up for you and find that you’ll stay uncomfortable the whole meditation.
If you go into a meditation with the intention of relaxation, and then you find yourself getting restless during the meditation, you may mistakenly start to resist your experience. So instead of going in with the intention of relaxation, go in with the intention of allowance and acceptance to whatever arises.
Focus on one or more of the focal points, it’s up to you
Typically, when someone is new to meditation, it’s best to start with just one of the focal points. The breath is the easiest focal point to notice, so if you’re new to meditation I recommend starting with mindfulness of the breath.
Once you get more comfortable just focusing on the breath, you can then experiment with becoming mindful of the other focal points. There is no rule with how long you need to focus on each point, you can do a little or each or more of one. You choose what feels best for you.
Catching yourself getting distracted is the point of meditation, it’s unrealistic to expect yourself to be fully focused on the focal points at all times
This is one of the biggest misconceptions of meditation, the idea that if you can’t stop thinking you must be meditating wrongly. Thinking never stops, even experienced meditation practitioners are thinking most of the time.
The goal is NOT to stop thoughts, it’s to CATCH yourself thinking over and over again and then bring your awareness back to a focal point of your choosing. You may have to catch yourself 50-100 times getting trailed off in thoughts. And that’s just fine.
You may even spend 9 minutes and 54 seconds of a 10 minute meditation thinking about how angry you are at your partner, and then catch yourself once right at the end and remember to focus on your breath.
I would still consider that a worthwhile meditation, because you got to catch yourself at least once bringing yourself back to the present moment of a focal point.
There are countless variations on how to meditate using mindfulness technique, here is brief guidance on how to do so just using the breath as a focal point.
Find a comfortable place to sit, on a chair or pillow
Have a timer ready for your preferred amount of time. 5, 10, 15, 20, 30 minutes
Start the timer and then softly close the eyes
Immediately become aware of the natural rhythm of the breath
However the breath feels, whether relaxed or not relaxed, practice allowing it to be just as it is.
Throughout the meditation, whenever you catch yourself thinking or getting distracted, come back to noticing the breath.
You may have to catch yourself getting distracted countless times and that’s perfect
Optional: When the timer goes off at the end, keep the eyes closed for a moment longer, and envision someone or something that you’re grateful for.
Optional: You could choose to feel gratitude for yourself, for someone you love, for someone famous you admire, for something you’re thankful for, like nature or food.
Optional: Embody that feeling of gratitude for 30 seconds
Optional: Gently open the eyes and spend a further 30 seconds looking around the room and just being present with your surroundings
Get on with your day
…..
Follow the links below if you’d like to know more about meditation: